I work, so I do not have to work

Live to work or work to live? You have heard that slogan, didn’t you? Yeah, me too. All my life, I thought I want a kick-ass career, growth, money, perhaps some power? I still remember one of the first classes as a freshman in high school. Thirty of us at the age of 15, or somewhere around that, in a circle. We were sharing dreams for when we grow up. Some of us wanted a wife, pretty, of course (she is not), and a family. I wanted a career and adventure.

Today, I am comfortable in my sweats. I have Christian Louboutin (Pigalle!!!) shoes in the closet, never worn + boxes of unpacked clothes. I can not remember if today is Wednesday or Thursday, cuz every day is the same. I hardly wake up at 5 am trying to find some leftover motivation and excitement for a day that likely will be worth big nothing.

I didn’t go far in the corporate world, but I am comfortable. It is certainly nice to see a portfolio grow after a day of green. One thing I learned last year is that I work, so I do not have to work. Because in the end, the only things that matter are real experiences. The highlight of my day today was two videos I found from our trip to Thailand last year .. and a glass of vino. Its Thursday after all..

Beginning of Seattle Journey

Our Seattle journey was nothing like planned. Back in March 2020, we were full of hopes and excitement, but reality brought us to the earth very quickly (story shortened here for correctness)*. We soon started seeing the massive impact of the stress* and lockdowns on our relationship and mental health. For the first time in my life, I sought the help of a shrink. It felt good to vent to somebody at the first session and hearing that it’s normal to feel depressed and hopeless. But three sessions down, it was useless to keep complaining about the same stuff. I said everything already and didn’t need to drill on it. The shrink didn’t offer anything besides a listening board and advice such as trying meditating (duh!), moving to a better place (really?), so it was clear our relationship was over (yeah, what a waste of time, still not sure why people see shrinks).

At this point, we had two options to save our sanity. Either moving back to our old house, since it was clear to us we will not be back in the office anytime soon. Or .. get a property here in Washington. We placed an offer for a house, thinking about it as a trial run, and somehow we got it despite Seattle’s overheated market .. As with anything that happened in 2020, a cursed year, we are not sure it was the right decision or huge mistake (financially, our move was probably one of the worst decisions we made, at least it feels this way now).

Trying to stay optimistic, I believe that 2021 will be a healing year. Like with the surgery I had in November to remove a face mark, a very standard procedure that out of nowhere gave me a huge red pimple in December (you can see it in the video), nothing in 2020 went as planned. But this year (2021) brings healing to those things. My face finally looks good and is healing like our life. I hope this year will also make some good progress with our house improvements. Our 1939 property turned out to be a lime buy with many issues covered by previous owners (like covering the area under the kitchen sink with a new paper, so it does not show that the sink leaks, and many more). But, little by little, we will fix them, I hope. Nothing will be perfect along the way though.

So we started with a backyard – enjoy the video.

* I used the original post as a venting board, perhaps one day I will post the uncensured version.

New Beginnings

I am not a good writer, and I have zero aspirations to be a good one. But something is soothing and helpful in the act of organizing messy thoughts into sentences and paragraphs. It helps to stop for a second and forces reflection. And this is what I need as I am going through this crazy journey of life.

So this is a new beginning, the beginning of my personal blog. With no specific purpose, no theme, no message. Just stuff, my stuff. My life, my blog. Welcome!